“As of today I am delighted to announce that we are offering a new high value, long-term investment service.
We call it The Interactive Blackmail Squad.
You give us a list of upto 25 up-and-coming people you think will be movers and shakers in the next 10 years.
They might be competitors, peers, industry rising stars, family members or randoms plucked from a telephone directory.
Using our blackhat techniques, proprietary methods and over-the-counter digital tracking & monitoring technologies we immediately start collating as much of their digital footprint as possible – following them across different avatars and pseudonyms, across different social platforms and spaces, aggregating and storing their contrails and online contributions. (In fact, we may already be tracking them as we add to our database every single day!).
And when it comes to finding them online, there is no place we won’t go!
Annually, we provide you with a bespoke ‘Yearbook’ report into each of their digital lives, detailing uncovered sensitive facts, infographics highlighting interesting trends and patterns in their behaviour and an executive summary of their gaffes, flirtations, mentions of key brands/individuals and any other non-generic statements/actions.
The Yearbook will also include visual graphics depticting your trackees social graph, with a brief narrative on ‘connections of interest’.
We will also contact you at this time to arrange your annual consultation with our Global Privacy Engineers based for a 45 minute VOIP briefing and Q&A. This is your opportunity to really dig deeper.
However, the real value is in the accretion and synthesis of data collated over time. We expect our clients to reap the greatest Return-on-Investment in their 8th, 9th and 10th years of this ten year service – just as their trackees careers reach their apogee. WINNING!
Payment is accepted in Bitcoin (pref) or US Dollars. The service requires an investment of ¢5,000 per trackee, per annum.
Think long-term, pick some winners, and invest today! ”